I wish things were different right now.

I can’t pinpoint what exactly, but it seems like something is off—misplaced.

I’ve been looking at the horizon for way too long. So long I forgot to look a few metres ahead.

Yeah, that made me stumble a few times. Perhaps more than I would have if I’d been paying attention to the present.

Although I keep telling myself that whatever this is, it’s just momentary—that everything is fine even though all feels crappy right now—I can hear the hesitation in my own voice. I can feel it cracking through the words, breaking their meaning into crumbles of meaningless nothing.

I mean… I’ve been openly telling people that I’m not alright. And I’m sure they trust my word. I’ve been telling myself the same. And I do trust myself.

Like a ghost, I’ve been haunted by this tremendous need to flee. To run as fast as I can towards anywhere but where I’m headed. To escape this trap and find my way back to the warm light that I can see, but for some reason can’t reach.

Why can’t I move? Why am I restrained?

Can I fix this?

I’m about to bolt.

My legs are positioned, one after the other.

Chest proud.

Eyes on the prize.

One last deep breath before I go.

Should I go, though?

All I have to do is move forward.

All I need is my feet to do their thing.

Feet don’t fail me now.

Please—pretty please… Don’t fail me now.