The sun is shining in weird angles. Places in the apartment that didn’t get any sunlight are now bathed with it intensely. I know, it is the shift in seasons. It is just curious how these small details still catch my attention, even after repeating themselves over and over again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am glad the sun is out. It doesn’t matter how long it is gone, when it is back, it always manages to make a clear statement ”I will show up eventually<\/em>“. That brings me comfort. It makes me look forward to brighter days when all there is is darkness. I guess part of my perseverance comes from the fact I always expect that the light will be back, no matter how or when.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Throughout most of my life, I worried. I still do. I worry that I am not healthy enough, good enough, happy enough, fast enough. I worry that I am late for what hasn’t even come yet. If I had known all the times I hadn’t seized due to my preoccupation with things, would I have been encouraged to change my behaviour?<\/p>\n\n\n\n I am looking at you right in the eyes. Yes, you. And time seems to have stopped. I observe how incredibly well the blue of your eyes matches with the blue of the sky. It is so damn annoying, I tell you. I hold your hands. They feel warm and cozy. I am about to let them go, but I am afraid that by doing so I’d be repeating the same mistake again… Not waiting for the cake to be ready; Trying to haste a step that needs time. So I hold on. For now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The truth is that I don’t want to wake up from you. But I don’t want this to become a nightmare either. Am I really dreaming or am I wide awake? If I open my eyes, will you disappear?<\/p>\n\n\n\n In the realm of make-believe, I walk on a silver line, balancing myself not to fall from cloud nine. Step by step. Breathing steadily. Smiling and frowning according to the beat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If I ever let go, please know that it was a last resort for self-preservation. And that I didn’t want to open my eyes, really. That whatever it was that was said was true at that time…<\/p>\n\n\n\n At last, know that I am not sorry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Because maybe it just wasn’t the right time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Maybe we will cross paths again, or maybe not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And if I end up not letting go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Well…<\/p>\n\n\n\n Then, let’s just scratch out the above.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The sun is shining in weird angles. Places in the apartment that didn’t get any sunlight are now bathed with it intensely. I know, it is the shift in seasons. It is just curious how these small details still catch my attention, even after repeating themselves over and over again. I am glad the sun […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-128","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/journal.igarachi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/128","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/journal.igarachi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/journal.igarachi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/journal.igarachi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/journal.igarachi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=128"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/journal.igarachi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/128\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":131,"href":"https:\/\/journal.igarachi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/128\/revisions\/131"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/journal.igarachi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=128"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/journal.igarachi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=128"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/journal.igarachi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=128"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}