Today was absolutely gorgeous. The second day in a row with temperatures above 12 degrees Celsius, accompanied by our not-so-present Sun. We’ve been so lucky: though still one season apart from Summer, we could all say that today was a generous sneak peek of what is to come in three months.

After a nourishing fat breakfast, our group went separate ways much earlier than I anticipated – I must confess – but you stayed with me: our way back home was the same.

It didn’t take long for us to dive into introspective topics. Things from the heart, of course, and also things about our aspirations in life and where we think we are heading. Sure, I may have started the trend but you didn’t fall behind. A fluid and rich back and forth filled our conversation with challenging questions that would make us reflect about ourselves and our lives.

At some point, I share with you what’s been up with me and what’s been occupying my mind lately. Nothing too new or too foreign. Still, novice enough for you to point out an interesting pattern:

“You are too much in your head. ” – you say objectively – “You are thinking too much.”

For a second, this sentence takes me back to the past. Around twelve years ago, precisely. Don, a great old friend of mine, is seated in front of me telling the exact same thing. Just like you did, he would always point out how much overthinking I was doing.

I giggle.

“An old friend would always tell me that. It is funny how it seems I haven’t fixed this since then.”

We keep our conversation going, changing our lines of thought but still deep-diving into ourselves.

Not much longer after, we see ourselves at our destination. We part ways before I can tell, but the relief you brought stayed with me.

Experiences like today’s are what make me feel so glad to be alive. They remind me how complex we are, yet so small compared to the immense universe that swallows our existence.

Nothing is too small to be ignored.

And nothing is so big that it can’t be somehow dismissed.

What determines how the tiebreaker will unfold is the observer. Be it conscious or unconsciously.

***

The new year arrived with the promise of new beginnings, an interesting sense of curiosity and… a little bit of anxiety to experience what would come next.

I must confess that I normally don’t believe in the magic of the New Year. It’s because, logically speaking, we are just crossing one of the multiple imaginary lines in our lives. Just like borders dividing countries or parallels and meridians slicing the globe into cubes. We increment the year counter by 1 and then we are magically granted a boost to restart. When we put things this way, this all sounds a bit too unreasonable.

This year, though, it all felt a bit different. This time, the New Year really felt like a restart. Many things were left behind, with or without my consent, sometimes even without my awareness. I saw my life turn upside down, and then flip around before spinning uncontrollably. What I believed to be solid terrain proved to be as unstable as quicksand. It sounds terrible, I know, but it was a great year. And, hey, I survived. We all did.

I watched broken bridges be rebuilt and, for a glimpse of time, I saw myself reunited with people I hadn’t seen in a while. It was so nostalgic it made me unsure whether I had traveled back in time or if that was just a sweet dream.

There was so much loss, but also so much gain.

I chuckle. “It’s all about balance”, they say. I have to agree on this one.

As we advance to the second quarter of this new year, the year doesn’t feel like new anymore. But the magic is still here. The path in front of me is earthy and rustic but well-lit. The sunlight stubbornly dodges the leaves of the trees ahead making the scene so warm and cozy. The horizon is a bit cloudy, but clear enough for me to be able to guess what’s waiting for me on the other side.

And for a while – man, it’s been a while – I truly smile. Not a halfway half-assed smile. A big bright one.

Because am finally heading towards where I want to be.

And for that, my friend, I couldn’t be happier.

***

I am looking at a blank page, trying to transcribe all these bubbly feelings inside. The urgency to let it all out is strong, so much so that I can’t hold back. Yet, I stutter. All I can get is a set of repetitive words and phrases that I have already used in many of my writings.

I start by describing a scene that depicts how the sunlight is beautifully embellishing the environment, before I can finish this sentence, I press the backspace repeatedly.

When I finally relax, after repeating the process above a few times, I get back to the keyboard eager to fulfill this calling to put my thoughts on paper. Many images and scenes flood my brain, making it so hard to process everything… Memories mixed with made-up stories in my mind flash before my eyes as soon as I close them.

And then I see you. And us. In a blend of recollections and fiction. I can barely distinguish what is real and what isn’t. I randomly feel the jeans jacket you were wearing on that cold night, both of us shivering but not wanting to be the one to call it a night. More and more scenes drench my brain without my consent.

I don’t hold back a giggle. I am scared to death, but can’t really not follow my rule #1: avoid holding back. So I don’t. As reckless as I can be.

“Uh Oh”, I say before I sigh. In one of those “Aha” I realise the obvious.

Yes, I think I just caught a cold.