As the Autumn grins and waves hi with its spooky tiny little twigy hands, I watch the sunlight bathe your face in a late afternoon.

I am not sure how this makes me feel, but I can’t deny: I love the view. Maybe it is the shape of your iris or perhaps it is how the light enhances its colour. Something just makes this too interesting to be unnoticed. Without much delay, though, I quiet and smoothly focus my sight in a different direction. That breaks any possibility of tension between us… Or so I’d like to believe.

Life still feels weird. Ups and downs here and there, for sure, and probably more ups than downs. Yet, somehow the horizon is not as clear as it was “meant” to be. Whatever that means.

Everything feels foreign, weird and awkward like having deep conversations with complete strangers and being vulnerable with them as if we were close friends. Playing a game of give and take while measuring how much to give based on what we are taking.

How much to give is up to us. That until the choice is no longer in our hands. You know, it only takes one boundary to be crossed before we realise it may be too late to step back. Again, whatever the latter means.

***

I navigate through different universes, while delimiting the boundaries of my own with a certain degree of caution. I allow visitors from different galaxies to hop on and off, placing “do not enter” signs wherever applicable in hopes they will stay firm.

I am in control until I am not.

It’s boring to hold it all in.

It’s dangerous to let it all out.

So in this duality, I stand in between. Holding in what I can, while letting out what can’t stay hidden forever.

And if at some point my path intertwine with his, whoever he is, so be it.

A different outcome can only exist if the variables passed are not the same ones as before.

So they say…

You know, so they say…